Room 203, Friday Evening

[stykera]

Having returned from his trip to LA with Molly, Stark was now back in his room. Still wearing the hat Molly had convinced him to buy (he'd decided against an animal hat, eventually), he was currently sitting on his bed.

He'd had fun, in spite of himself, even with a silly hat. The hat had even, he thought, helped distract from the mask. Not that the mask itself had even been that unusual out there. He had seen a lot of costumes and masks while out doing "tourist-y" things. And they'd done a lot. There were the Tar Pits and the Zoo (which made him miss Creature Languages classes) and the Botanical Gardens (which had threatened to make him emo again) and the Walk of Fame (which was just names on a sidewalk to him, but the people there had been fun to watch) and Grauman's Chinese Theater. And one day had been spent almost entirely watching the Barry Plodder at Wizarding School movies, which he'd been told weren't even all out yet, Fandom time.

There had been plenty of things to do that allowed him to aggressively ignore his issues of the past few weeks. He would have to find a way to thank Molly properly for that, and for giving him a chance to get off the island.

Of course, now his distraction was over and he was back here, trying not to lose his hold on himself again.


[Door's shut, post is open, alien is less emo than last week but we'll see how long that lasts]

Comments

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

It had been a while since Anders had checked up on Stark, and the last couple of times he'd spotted him at the construction site he'd noticed that his fellow being of non-Earth origin had seemed pretty out of sorts.

So after hanging out with Savannah for a while, he headed down the hall and knocked on the door.

[stykera]

A knock on the door was a good distraction. Probably. So Stark got up, goofy hat still in place, to open said door.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Stark!" Anders began.

Blink.

". . . nice hat."

[stykera]

"Molly said I should get one," Stark said, tugging the hat off. "Hello, Anders."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Molly?" repeated Anders, a little confused. "Where'd you hang out with Molly to get a hat like that?"

[stykera]

"She took me home with her. To LA. For the week." He really hadn't been leaving the room enough lately if being gone that many days completely escaped notice.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"That was nice of her," Anders replied. "I was wondering where you'd been. Hadn't seen you around and you seemed like you were kind of not doing all that well."

[stykera]

"I wasn't. I'm not. I...," Stark shrugged, fidgeting with the hat in his hands.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

And that wasn't like the Stark he knew at all. Anders frowned and stepped fully into the room, leaning against the wall just inside the door. "What's wrong?"

[stykera]

"Everything?" Stark said. "Everything's gone wrong. Again."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Talk to me, Stark," Anders said, sternly but gently. "How has it gone wrong? Can I help?"

[stykera]

"She left. Can you help that?" Stark asked softly. "She died once, then she was here and things were right again. I was right again. And she left. She didn't even say anything. Nothing. Just gone one night. And I can't do this again. Once was more than enough."

Oh look, he's started the pacing and the babbling again.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Kara did that, too," Anders commiserated. "Not the dying, just the being gone all of a sudden. And that hurt like hell. Can't even think about what it would be like if she'd died . . . dammit, Stark, I wish I could help."

Then he realized . . .

"Who left?"

[stykera]

"Zhaan. Zhaan left." No, that wasn't a whimper when he said that. Really.

"Did you know I was crazy, before?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders kind of wanted to hug Stark when he heard that whimper (because it totally was, really) but he wasn't sure how well that would go over.

"I didn't think you were crazy, no," he replied. "I wouldn't call you crazy, anyway."

A little quirky, sure, but who wasn't around here?

[stykera]

Okay, maybe it was a whimper. And Stark wasn't sure how a hug would go over himself, really.

"Everyone else does. Did. Most everyone did."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"I never would," Anders promised him. "But I can tell it's bugging you a lot that she's gone. And there's only one solution I can come up with, and that means I'm going to have to take you drinking."

Because you'd think he'd have learned better by now, but noooooooo.

[stykera]

"She made me better," Stark said miserably. "It was easier just being, knowing she was there. And then she died and things went wrong and I felt her die. I was looking for her, when I came here. Then she was here and things were right again and now she's gone. And drinking won't help for long. Will it?"

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes," Anders admitted, "it makes things worse. But sometimes it helps. If only for a little while. And sometimes a little while's all you need."

[stykera]

Stark shook his head and sat down heavily.

"I don't think it gets worse. No. It does. It's been worse. But I don't think alcohol will make it worse. Not this time."

Another sigh, softer this time. "I'm supposed to be used to dying. To people, things, everything ending."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders sat down near him. "I'd worry more if you were used to it and it didn't bother you any more, you know. I know that's kind of a crappy thing to say when you're hurting, but I think it's good that you care."

[stykera]

"I was used to it. For other people. Still cared, always. But death is not always so terrible." He'd dropped the hat on the bed next to him and was now fiddling with a mask buckle with one hand. "But when it's someone..."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Anders thought about Hamlet for a brief moment. "When it's someone you care about," he supplied. Granted, he and Hamlet had never been close, but they'd at least had some fun times together. And he'd been close to Kara, who hadn't died but had gone away suddenly. "That makes it different."

[stykera]

Stark nodded before continuing, very quietly, "I don't know if she's dead, this time." Or he wouldn't admit to himself that she could be. If she wasn't, he could always blame her disappearance on wormholes, since it always came back to that. "And that might be worse. If she just left. And I have to go back there. Soon. Too soon."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Do you have to?" asked Anders, a flash of stubbornness in his eyes. "Can't you find a way to stay?"

Like he'd told Savannah earlier, he was tired of people leaving.

[stykera]

"Why?"

Then, realizing how that sounded, Stark shook his head.

"I...I thought I could. But now I don't even know if I want to. I don't want to be there either. I just...don't know."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Because . . ." Anders faltered, aware that this was going to sound dumb.

"Because I don't want you to go?"

[stykera]

"I don't want me to go either. But right now, right now I don't know if I want me to stay." Something on the floor must have been interesting, as Stark was now staring intently at it.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"You've got some time to figure that out," Anders said. "And soon there'll be drinking. So no need to think about it too much just yet."

[stykera]

"And that will help with the figuring out? Or with the desperate attempt not to think?"

Really, you'd think he'd have figured out alcohol as an alternative to thinking on his own. But no, he stuck with his old standbys of being crazy and meditating.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Well, it'll help you not think about it for a little while, at least," Anders said. "Maybe. I think. that's usually how it works for me."

See, he was all about encouraging Stark to branch out from being crazy and meditating.

[stykera]

"I'm tired of thinking."

And Stark was appreciative of Anders's efforts. Really he was.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"As my girlfriend likes to say sometimes, drinking, not thinking," Anders said sagely. He wasn't mentioning the part about how sometimes he and Bel had to make sure Phoebe got home safely afterward, of course.

[stykera]

"Your girlfriend may be very wise." Hopefully Stark wouldn't be left drunk and stumbling around town alone either.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Like Anders would let that happen? "I happen to think so, but I am kind of biased."

[stykera]

Stark nodded, then decided he'd rather not continue that particular line of conversation.

"Drinking then."

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

"Drinking it is," Anders declared. "I better get home right now, but I will definitely be in touch with you so we can schedule this."

[stykera]

"I will be here." Probably talking to himself. Or pacing. Or both. Hopefully not beating his head against any walls.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Hopefully not, since Anders no longer lived next door and couldn't check up on him as easily. "Good man," he said with a crooked smile. "I'll keep you posted, okay?"

[stykera]

One more nod.

"Okay."

And he'd try not to need too much checking up on.

[cantgetnorelief.livejournal.com]

Good, because otherwise Anders would worry.

Well, Anders would worry anyway.

"Hang in there, okay, man?" he said, getting up to let himself out.

[stykera]

"I always do. Somehow. Goodnight, Anders."