stykera: (lost boy)
This week is better. So far. Might change. Still early. Very early.
Last week was bad. That boy is very loud. In my head. Not even a boy, really. Very loud. Trying to keep busy, shut him up. Not the voice I want in my head. That one's gone.

Ethics class is strange. Not so bad as I thought, last week. Last week...shouldn't have yelled. Know better.
Think my partner disappeared. And my roommate. And three professors. Don't believe in curses. If I did, I might be cursed. Need a new class. Again. Only have two now. Again. This place is frelled. Fahrbot. Like me?

Weekend wasn't so bad. No family though. Mostly stayed here. Usually stay here. It's quiet. Good for meditating. Went to the Ethics professor's room Friday. Play dough is interesting. Squishy. But there's no point to it. Just squishy.

Talked about suicide in the Death class today. Stykera don't see so many of those as the rest, all the other kinds. Don't know. Romeo and Juliet and their deaths. Stupid deaths. Useless. Shouldn't die when someone else does, just because they're gone. Why do that? I understand. I remember. But it serves no purpose. Better, much better to live and remember.
stykera: (Default)
Parent's weekend soon.
Don't have parents. Might have, once. Don't remember can't remember won't remember.
Must have had them once. What happened then? Gone all gone. Don't miss them. Can't miss them if I don't remember. Better not to remember. Have to remember other things, other people, her.

Roommate vanished. With the parrot. Liked the parrot.
Now it's all my room. All my side.

Didn't hear anyone die. Haven't since I got here. Quiet. Quiet is good. Bound to happen soon. Always does. Can't escape it. Stykera. Why we are.

Need to go to the clinic more. Keep forgetting. Shouldn't forget that. Have to do work, have to do something. Keep busy. Easier to be busy. Less time to think.
stykera: (Default)
Talked about murder today.
Can't be murder if you didn't mean it. Can't be murder if they wanted to die. Otherwise it's just unfortunate and they die and then they cross over. All the same in the end. At the end.

Doesn't matter if it was murder or not. Still dead, still someone's fault. Even if they didn't mean it, still their fault. Still blame them even when I know better. I do know better. She's still dead, still someone's fault. Their fault. Died for them. Not their fault, she did it. Didn't have to. Could have saved her, she wouldn't let us. Wouldn't let me.

Not supposed to dwell. Have to stop. School now, freak later...
stykera: (glowing)
Found a new class today on Death and Dying. I did not know such things were taught. How do you teach death without deaths. There are funny ideas about death very funny very strange.
I am an expert on dying, aren't I. I hope noone dies. Tired of it.
Supposed to be helping in the clinic something to do helping others. She would like that.

There is a dance. Don't think I will go. Too many people noone to go with. Noone I want to dance with anymore.

Heard something about a plague. Just what we need people with plagues to go with people disappearing. Such a strange place. Noone is concerned. As long as there are no deaths. I should help.
stykera: (peaceful)
This school continues to confuse me.
I have not seen my roommate much. He has a parrot and it talks for him.

So lonely here. So many people still so lonely. People disappearing left and right and right and left and every which way. No-one knows why. I had teachers. They're gone. Only one left just one. Hope he doesn't go too. Like him.

Didn't hear them die. Would have heard them if they'd died. The quiet is good. No voices in my head. Miss one voice. Should be there. She promised. Thought she'd be here. Everyone else is here. Almost. Not everyone.

Weapons are gone. Won't help. Everyone disappears anyway.
stykera: (crazy)
Don't understand this. Too many people, none of them make sense.
Nebari I know, but the strange. The blue man is not a plant...should be a plant. Delvians are blue and they are plants. Why is he not?

And Peacekeepers! Peacekeepers! They said I'd be safe here but they are everywhere. Never escape. Peacekeepers. Hate them. All of them.

The man in the library is crazy and has a sword. Hope there are no deaths. Don't want anyone needing help to the other side. Not now. Too busy. Classes to go to. Religion (lies, all lies), art, creative writing.


stykera: (Default)

March 2012

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